literally

justmyflawedlogic:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

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genderbells:

i was cuddling this guy once n he had his head on my chest n just whispered “what did you just think about?” and i went “netflix” becus i was thinkin about netflix and he just went

"oh. your heart sped up and i… ok"

margygur:

margygur:

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY CAT ALLL DAY AND AFrer WALKING OUT LOOKING FOR HER I SEE HER IN THE NEIGHBOURS WINDOW ALL THE WINDOWS AND DOORS ARE LOCKED AND THEY ARE ON HILIDAY HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUC K

THAT IS MY CAT AND THAT IS NOT MY HOSUE 

parkingstrange:

when my parents try to lie to me

slashren:

hello me again I like men.

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apricockjam:

”’I’m really not a cat person”’

but their feeT LOOK LIKE BEANS

THEIR. FEET. LOOK. LIKE. BEANS.

marauders4evr:

The Harry Potter movies added many scenes that I disagree with.

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This is not one of them.

unshaped:

"you can’t copy my homework because our teacher will know that you copied it from me"

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coelasquid:

People do this to me so often I have to wonder if smoking is a habit like nail biting where the person is not consciously aware that a cigarette is moving toward their face and being lit.

jamescannotfly:

nostopdasgay:

everets:

Every morning the light comes in and my toilet looks beautiful

holy shit

Please tell me that was an intentional pun